The Client Bill of Rights^*

Reach Around Marketing Pty Ltd (not a real company)

As a valued client, you have:

1. You have the right to cancel at any time.^*1
2. You have the right to own your website.^*2
3. You have the right to a dedicated account manager.^*3
4. You have the right to transparent reporting.^*4
5. You have the right to know what we did each month.^*5
6. You have the right to a reply within 24 hours.^*6
7. You have the right to fair, upfront pricing.^*7
8. You have the right to your data when you leave.^*8
9. You have the right to page 1 rankings.^*9
10. You have the right to complain.^*10
11. You have the right to read this document.^*11
12. You have the right to remain silent.^*12

Signed with love,
The Partners

Footnotes

1. "Any time" means the 72-hour window that opens exactly 90 days before your renewal date. If that window falls on a weekend or public holiday, it is deemed to have occurred. ↩
2. "Own" is used in its emotional sense. Legal title, hosting, the domain and the admin password remain with Reach Around Marketing in perpetuity, throughout the universe. ↩
3. Dedicated to you and 41 other clients. Your account manager may change without notice, frequently, and on at least one occasion mid-call. ↩
4. Reports are transparent in the sense that you can see straight through them. ↩
5. Our methods are proprietary. See our article "Why we can't tell you what we did this month." Knowing is not the same as being told. ↩
6. Business hours only. Our business hours are Tuesdays, 10:15am to 10:45am, excluding Tuesdays. ↩
7. Prices are upfront relative to the next price. Excludes setup, onboarding, strategy alignment, the PDF surcharge, the kombucha levy and the fee for explaining fees. See our fee calculator. ↩
8. Data is supplied as a printed PDF, posted to your previous address. Ad account history is withheld for your protection. ↩
9. Page 1 of the monthly report. ↩
10. Complaints are welcome and are routed to our dedicated complaints inbox, which does not exist. ↩
11. Reading this document beyond this point constitutes acceptance of a 12-month extension. ↩
12. Anything you say may be used in a (fictional) case study. ↩

All rights are subject to change, review, revocation, reinterpretation and vibes. Rights not expressly granted are reserved, as are several that were. This Bill of Rights does not form part of any agreement, unless that would benefit us, in which case it does.