7 Reasons You're Not Rich Yet (Reason 1: You're Reading This)

People ask me, "Rich, how did you get rich?" First of all, it's in the name. I didn't get rich. I've always been Rich. Legally I changed it in 2019, but spiritually I was Rich from birth. You, on the other hand, are not rich, and as a thought leader it's my duty to tell you why, in a numbered list, which is the only format your attention span accepts.

1. You're reading this

Rich people don't read blogs. They write them, then pay someone to read them aloud on a podcast at 1.5x speed. You've now spent 40 seconds here. In that time I made $11,000. Not from you. Yet.

2. You think marketing is free

You've been "doing your own socials." That's adorable. Last week you posted a photo of a cappuccino captioned "Open til 3!" and got four likes: two bots, your aunty, and me, by accident, while reaching for my other phone. Marketing isn't free. Nothing is free. Except my advice, which is right here on this blog, for free. That's different. Mine has value.

3. You sleep

The average person sleeps eight hours. I sleep three hours and 45 minutes, then nap for six hours in the afternoon in the Lambo. That's not sleeping. That's strategic horizontal ideation, and it's tax deductible if you say it confidently enough. (It isn't. Don't. I'm not your accountant. I'm barely mine.)

4. You don't have a framework

I have the Reach Around Funnel™. You have a to-do list on the back of a council rates notice. A to-do list is just a framework with low self-esteem. Mine has arrows going in every direction, including backwards, which is how you know it's advanced.

5. You ask "what's the ROI?"

Rich people don't ask about ROI. They ask about vibes. Return on investment is a very small-business question. I prefer ROV: Return on Vibes. Our clients see a 4,000% ROV on average. We can't measure it, which is how you know it's working.

6. You don't humblebrag

I won a TEDx award. I don't like to mention it, because I'm humble, but I won it. I designed it, printed it at the post office and presented it to myself at the council library in front of 14 people, two of whom were only there for the toilets. That's called manifesting. You, meanwhile, have never once told a stranger you're "honoured and humbled" about anything. How will anyone know you've won if you never pretend you have?

7. You haven't booked a discovery call

This is the big one. Every rich person I know has booked a discovery call with me. Some of them twice, because the first one was non-refundable and they wanted to see whether the second one was too. (It was. Consistency is a core value.)

So, will you ever be rich?

I'm not saying you'll never be rich. I'm saying the odds are about the same as my hatchback being a Lamborghini. And I've stuck a badge on the back that says LAMBO, so who's to say? Belief is everything. Except money. Money is everything. Belief comes second, and it's a distant second, and it's walking.

Look, I know this was hard to read. Growth is uncomfortable. That's why I've made it as comfortable as possible for myself.

8. (Bonus) You counted the reasons

You noticed the title says seven and there are now eight. Rich people don't count. They have people for that. Those people are on 12-month contracts.